Language, as we know it, is one of the most significant advancements of humankind. Foundationally we know that words have no meaning until you give them meaning. Symbolically, everyone in a conversation should be “on the same page,” or “speaking the same language”.

            My first conversation started out in the usual manner. I had prepared some little nibbles for a meeting of 5^th grade teachers at my daughter’s home. It was an informal meeting with all the teachers sitting on the sofa and armchairs surrounding the coffee table where I spread out little pastries, savory and sweet. While I was not a direct participant in the substantive conversation, I did make my presence known without speaking. I observed something interesting just watching the way the conversation flowed and how the conversation moved from one to another and the symbolism exhibited by every teacher. If the speaker was making a good point, another teacher would point a finger at her and nod, indicating she was in full agreement.  Anthropologically speaking, there was an alpha teacher who dominated the conversation, her voice raised louder and more aggressive sounding. When teachers disagreed with her, but couldn’t overrule her voice, they would raise a hand in a single-goodbye gesture, a sign of dismissing the significance or importance of the statement. The teachers were of every culture including South American, American, Israeli, and Canadian. It didn’t seem their various cultures hindered their participation in the conversation. The teachers were democratic for the most part and politely leaned toward each speaker during conversation. I raised the tray of pastries and waved my hand towards the napkins. My point was made and teachers tried out the different treats. One of the teachers cursed under her breath as she tipped over her soda. It was all I could do not to say something! I went to the kitchen to get paper towels (which started a comical conversation about cloth towels versus paper towels). When I was asked a direct question about the treats, my daughter replied on my behalf that I was doing an experiment for my Anthropology class and could not speak.

            There are those in our culture, the elderly, the disabled and otherwise disenfranchised who cannot speak effectively. They cannot stand up for themselves in legal or social situations situations. I don’t know if it’s culturally American trait or not, but the speaker usually raises their voice as if loudness alone will result in communication.

            A second conversation began a bit differently. I was joined by some acquaintances at the local Starbucks where we were discussing an upcoming 5k walk that many of “us ole ladies” were going to try. I’ve done 5ks twice before and felt myself a pro at the event. One of the walkers stated the important steps she felt were necessary to prepare for a race, regardless of what condition you are in. I raised my hand to intercede and disagree and realized I couldn’t move that hand or make any gesture at all. Culturally, I was born and raised to speak with my hands! I worked with attorneys and courtroom clerks and realize the importance of being able to emphasize your point and hand gestures are my stock-in-trade. In order not to use my hands for anything else, I sipped my coffee. Another walker mentioned the importance of good diet before taking on a 5k walk.  Eat low carbs, don’t eat low carbs, eat pasta, don’t eat sugars – everything! And all I could think of was that I couldn’t move my hands. I thought carefully before I opened my mouth because a disagreement on a topic on which I feel passionate would ruin my entire experiment. I composed my face into calm lines and proceeded to explain my technique for working up to the big event. I leaned into the conversation (oh no, that’s body language); I began to raise my eyebrows alarmingly only to realize that I was not articulating merely acting out. I actually looked at my watch to see if I had made it to 15 minutes, and had to laugh when I realized that looking at my watch was a symbolic gesture of wanting to end a conversation quickly.

            Not everyone is proficient at reading body language. Body language is an acquired skill and one worth developing. The ability to read people and situations aids in police work, teaching and psychology amongst many others. Reading body language and tensions in a room of people allows one to adapt to the situation as needed. It is hard to imagine a situation where “reading the situation,” would be of no benefit.